Great Expectations

Changing Lanes...

I remember clearly what kind of person I was before and when ever I look back, I always wonder... Wonder how I could be such a party animal... Days on and night's end I would party and party the the lights came on... I think about the numerous flings and the fast pick-ups and then I look at myself now... Married, havinf a kid on the way, planning to buy a house, bought a family car, opened a family back account...

Just last year I was still fooling around and had totally no plans of getting married, but I guess when the time comes and when you meet the right one, you just know it. My mom always told me after every failed relationship I had... "You just have not found the right one yet."

Somehow, during the period of running my business and all my travelling to Bangkok, I knew that I would end up being with a girl that is only Thai but also someone who could be in the same business as me.
Goy now helps me out almost everyday with stuff at the pub, I'm lucky because my work load was killing me and the handling of the other staff gets me frustrated, now Goy handles the staff and I am more free to go about my own work stuff.

i got to admit, its a pretty scary thought... about having a kid... Its obviously something very new to me. What kind of father would I be, Will my kid find me cool when he grows up? Will my kid go partying with me when he/she is 18? How will I bring my kid up? These are some stuff that flood my mind sometimes...

I guess if I stick to the same style that my parents brought me up with, I won't go wrong. Mom taught me how to be a gentleman. So my son better be one. That is if I get a son...

Anyway, next topic.
Its been 3 years since I took over operations in Legends, the pub has gone a long...long way... 9 years altogether... I remeber how tough it was duting my first year of running it.. And now, everytime I step in the bar, I feel very proud of what it has become... I'm not being boastful, please don't get me wrong, but I have this pride over what Legends has become. There are still problems that needs to be solved but I know I can do it...

But I'm saving alot and working really had so that nick and I can open another bar next year... My mind is set, I need to get my house by next year and open a new pub. The Ferarri can wait for a few more years. :)

The Big Leap...

Today... 10th August 2009, I finally FULLY decided to go all out in this relationship with Goy, I logged on to the Registry of Marriages website and filed a notice of marriage. I am indeed excited, this is probably going to be the biggest decision I will ever make in this life. I know its going to be tough, it sure is a big commitment but I know that it is time, I know myself damn well, and when I found her I knew that she was the one, of course its not always been bliss but we both will have to overcome hurdles, obstacles and what ever life throws at us. We have our arguements and she has her faults and I have mine but let time take its course and I know that the future would be pleasant.
She is back in Thailand as her work visa here has expired, I wish I could be up there now but cicumstances prohibits.. lets hope all is good on Thursday and I can jet up to Bangkok.

This decision to marry came as a shock to many of my friends as they always thought I would be the last to get hitched. I guess even a player can change, so, its farewell to the womanizing ways... If you're asking me how I really feel, I would say that its a whole lot of mixed feelings, deep down inside I do have a little fear that things may not always be a bed of roses. I am glad I have the blessings of my parents and my sister to guide advice me. Edmund my best buddy for the past 20 years plus has been a pillar of strength to me, he was always there when I had problems regarding relationships and it was also his advice that prompted me to get married, I love Goy and it seems almost like destiny the way we met. We met at Bangkok airport and she took the same flight as me but when we reached Singapore, I did not see her, but the next night at Club Nana, she came up to me I was pleasantly shocked but happy to realise that she was the new singer there, things took off for us pretty quickly and fast forward till now... a decision to get married. Wish me good luck friends. The main ceremony would probably only be held next year. It sure is going to be a night to remember and definitely a night she would always remember.

Missing...

It has probably been about more that 6 months since I last updated this blog, reason being... I have been very very busy since last year November on... Legends (My Pub), has taken a huge amount of my time. Business is getting better each day and the concept of the place is evolving very rapidly. But I'm not celebrating any success yet as there is always room for much more improvement and fine tuning.

Apart from the pub, the past months have proven to be very eventful... A large part of my time has also been spent travelling up to Thailand for business (Don't ask)... I would reckon that I went to the Land of Smiles more than 20 times since November 2008. Now I can even understand and speak a little of the beautiful language... Still needs practice...

For the past few months, I met many people and crossed paths with various individuals. Some bad, but mostly good.
During a period of about 6 months, I spent alot of time partying and drinking with my close buddies (What's New?)... Most nights-mornings, we were at Club Nana (The Thai Club), we would religiously head there straight after I closed my pub... Over there... We would party till the club closed, Without a doubt, I met a ton of girls and flings came easily... I don't even want to try to recall how much cash we spent there... The nights we were there garnered much attention as expected, slowly I got to know a girl... I used to see her there but never really knew much about her, only after some time did other customers tell me she was the boss's daughter. Night after night, the bunch of us would just party and party... I don't even recall how she and I got aquainted...
If I am not mistaken, I only really spoke to her at a funeral, a dear friend of mine who worked for her passed on... From then on we started talking once in awhile whenever we saw each other at the club... Slowly, feelings started to grow and then I had to fly to Bangkok for work... This part I remember... While I was in Bangkok, I had a very expensive argument with her.. Lets just call her 'K'... Kay called me while I was in Bangkok and asked me why did I sleep with some girl if I had feeling for her... I really could not answer that question well and I think I gave my usual arrogant reply... "There's nothing wrong with sleeping with that girl right?, I'm single!"... As expected with all of those kind of answers... it upset 'K' even more... We argued a little more on the phone while the rest of my friends were partying in a place called "Karafun"... I told 'K' that I did fancy her and would hope for us to be more than friends... I told her to think about it and not say anything... My Bangkok trip went as per normal... My dear buddies played a prank on me and made me drunk enough that I ended up sleeping in some stranger's apartment... (NO! Nothing Happened)... The "Stranger" was kind enough to tuck me in bed and let me sleep the drunkness away...

The next night, we were already back in Singapore and we headed to Nana again... That night I got very very drunk... by this time, I was on 'OK' terms with 'K' already... I don't know how or what happened that night but all I know is that when the club closed... I was in her car along the ECP and we nearly crashed into the divider as she was just as drunk as I was... That night I don't know how or why, but I ended up staying over at her place... Nothing happened... But from just one night it became 10 nights... It was a crazy whirlwind period for me... Days together were spent watching TV, having lunch and massages and all...
I don't even know if we were actually a couple at all... Either I was at Nana or she was at Legends (sometimes)...
As I knew from the beginning, problems about our "relationship" would slowly surface... gossip from customers at Nana and her ex-bf about me being a player and being really good with words and all that shitty gritty stuff... So the relationship went into defence mode and it went... switch on...switch off...switch on.......... Fast forward... The reationship went to earth's core... It taught me quite abit actually.... Its not always true that two people in the same line of work can get along. "K' and I were in the exact line of work yet nothing worked out... The funniest thing she said to me is.. "YOU LOVE NANA MORE THAN ME!"... Well, anyway... Lets move on... so.. after that relationship, I was back to travelling to Bangkok to do my stuff and so on.... Then! on a certain trip back from Bangkok, I chanced upon this gorgeous girl at the airport in Bangkok, we took the same flight back to Singapore and I never saw her at Singapore's Airport... I didn't think too much of it. That night when I was at Nana, this girl came up to me at my sofa, it took me quite awhile to remember her, she was the girl I met at the airport in Bangkok!... Her name is Goy (pronounced as Koy)... It was a mixture of feelings at that moment. After seeing Goy again that night, all I could think of is her every single day. Goy was hired at Nana by the ex-gf "K"... Ironic eh? So... Goy and I started dating after a week. I have to admit that in the beginning, it was probably lust not love but slowly those feeling of lust changed and I developed a love for Goy...
Goy and I are inseperable now, and not a day goes past without her making me smile. I would dare say that she brought alot of joy to my life. We have a little communication problem but we're working on it... her English is getting better and my Thai is ermm....well... I'm trying to learn more Thai. I guess, I have Nana to thank for.
Each day I am filled with major stress due to work and other factors but somehow, just waking up next to her every day, brightens up my day... We do have our quarrels and all but which couple does not quarrrel right? She is a wonderful girlfriend and I need not need anyone else... And one more thing... there might be a surprise announcement from me this August! Shhh...

Anyway, lets move along. Apart from happiness and bliss, I have been going through tremendous pressure due to work and alot of thinking. I'm working really hard to stay ahead of the business. Alot of problem solving...
The day I decided that nightlife is my path, I told myself that I would have to face up to all the problems that the night scene business would bring... Its getting really tough and I don't know if dangerousis the word I should use... close brother's like Edmund and Jason would know what I mean by the nightlife dangers... I met up with Edmund and Jason at Legends for a chit chat session in the office, told them my latest problem... They told me not to worry too much about it. I know I'm prepared for anything and to face up to everything but how not to worry right? But I always tell myself... what comes...just come... Once everything is settled, the road would be much smoother to walk on.
I have to thank God for giving me really great friends and a supportive family.

Keeping up to date...

You know... everytime I get out of a relationship, I become like a fucking bird-out-of-the-cage... Yeah Rani... Parrot out of the cage... Well anyway, the Pamela episode is over as she has left on a jet plane... I can't say I never loved her because I did but after what she has said and done after the relationship, I would just fogive but forget I never do. I know she has malicious intent but what fuck can she do? Voodoo? Maybe I'll wake up with 4 inches off the family jewels.

I've been partying really too much lately, but I must admit it sure is fun and refreshing... Close friends around me knows me well enough, I can't be with anyone for too long, my boredom meter goes off and I get sick and tired... What adds up is when the partner is too fucking bubble gum sticky and possesive. Maybe its me, maybe I can't offer the security to any girl. But fuck it man... Some guys are made to play not stay. My parents are used to it already, they don't have hopes of me getting married. Hahaha... marriage... thats a funny thought.

Anyway lately, too fucking busy to even TRY to find any companion, no mood for one-night-stand either... I hate the feeling of doing the deed and then they fucking want to snuggle and cuddle till late afternoon the next day... No time, I need to wake up early, go banking, do account, read papers, make cheques, and plan stuff for my dad... So I really don't have time to fucking cuddle and frollick in bed... Rani says I'm afraid of commitment... I think so too...
My goosebumps appear when ever I receive those "I miss you sms's" or the "When can we see each other..." ... I don't even get to see my mother daily!

Anyway, the girl Kelly, the last one which Pamela slapped, its over... too fucking bubble gum... You know why bubble gum? Because when gum sticks to your hair, you can never get rid of it totally unless you just cut your hair off... Same! Unless you cut these girls off... If not, residue still remains...

Sometime after a stressful day which almost everyday... I come home, take my shower, feed my ferrets (I'll touch on the ferret topic tomorrow) and lie in bed and think... I tend to think alot, ever since young... And so I think of everything, usually its about ex-girlfriends... And some special flings... I don't know if its odd to miss ex-gf's... One would think, if you still love your ex why not grab life by the balls and get her back... But unfortunately, life is not so Hollywood. My biggest problem is... I miss too many ex's... Well, yeah, I just think about all these stupid stuff till I get sleepy and doze off...

Here I am working so hard trying to save up as much and also make more money to hopefully buy an apartment next year, if I were to ever get married, my goodness, marriage is cheap, but imagine D.I.V.O.R.C.E!!!!! Half of everything I worked for... Half assets and worst of all... HALF LEGENDS!!!!!!! So... Cannot... I'll be a bachelor boy...Marcus Gf says I'm afraid of intimacy, Rani says I'm commitment phobic, I say I'm both man...
What I like is actually "INTIMACY WITHOUT INTRICACY"... I just want constant companions... But not a singular companion who is constant... Like what my dad always tell me, "keep your options open son"... Dad, if you knew about this blog, I think you would be proud, you would really know my options are wayyyyyyyy open... Thank goodness he does not know how to use the internet. He also tells me stuff like think with your head not your heart... Wise words my old man has... I guess he was a naughty naughty boy whn he was my age too... Hahaha... But one wise phrase he once told me is... "When poverty come knocking at the door, love goes out the window." That!... is something so true and I always ponder over it... Thats why I'm trying very very hard to work and work really hard to really build something huge for my future and the future for the ones who helped me build it... You guys know who you are... Marie.. you there? ;)

On family...

I would say, I definitely love both my parents equally, but I'm really glad that my dad and I got to know each other better through these four years at Legends@Siglap, our relationship was never bad before but it was different from now... I guess work brought us closer and we became more of friends that father & son, of course I still respect him as my father but what we have become now is so much different, when ever we go out, people come up to us and tell her that its amazing how we both can hang out and be friends. We still do have our arguements quite often sometimes, but its all business related and we argue to challenge each others concepts and style, it is a way of bonding, sometimes he loses, and sometimes me... I appreciate what he has done for me and is still doing for me. I would not be so comfortable now if he had not given me Legends and groomed me to be a business-thinker. He urges me to keep on pushing my goals higher and higher. He tells me that what I have done so far is good but I can do better and strive further... He knows I am stressed out almost everyday because of the plans we have for our Orchard Towers branch and also keeping up the business in our Siglap outlet, he knows I am always falling ill because I have too much expectation, but yet he is positive that I can build something really great soon... One thing I know, he has faith in me and one thing he knows, I always love him and am so thankful for what he has done for me through the years.

My mom is a strong lady, she has stood by me all the time, I was a bad..bad.. boy back in the past, I'm not embarassed to speak about the past as I believe that accepting the past is the only way one can truly forge a future for himself. I was in trouble so many times but my mom stood by me and offered me support. Back in secondary school, I was a rebel, I was expelled 3 times because of the wonderous shit I did... I ones painted a mural of pictures and scenery at a voideck of a block of flats in front of Katong Convent, it was to profess my 'love' for some girl I really liked then... Hahaha, I was 15... But me always being very proud of my artworks, I signed my name there as well, obviously I was expelled by my principal, but when they brought my mother to show her the vandalism, the principal did tell my mom that the painting was gorgeous and its a waste that they had to ask me to paint it back to white... They told her that I should focus more on how to use my talents but not at a public place... My mom, tried so hard to make the school accept me back, so in the end, they took me back and made me paint and draw loads of other stuff in school... So I was in and out of secondary school until my O'levels, I still remember my grades... English, A1, Art A1, Geography B, the rest F... Hahaha... I could not get into any Junior College or anywhere, but she pressed and asked around for options and she told me that Arts/Design school would suit me... So I went to Lasalle SIA and pursued Advertising, Fine arts and consumer psychology, I loved every day of it, my mom was the person who gave me the drive to be top, when I graduated, I was very surprised that I had been graded a full score in the faculty and had achieved top student of the entire faculty... I owe all that to my mom... After college I got into some problems with the law, a fight actually and I was arrested for rioting with intension to hurt, again I made my mom cry, but yet... this strong woman, held on to faith and stood by me, she had testimonials from my college, went to all my court hearings, and prayed for me. She knew that if the court ruled me guilty I would be sent to jail for a minimum of 5 years, that she could not accept, she got all my lecturers to write to court to say something good, in the end, it all came out well and I was placed on probation for 16 months. That chapter in my life was the mark of a new beginning for me, I promised myself not to let my mother down again. It was 2004, Legends@Siglap opened.
I really am glad that I am comfortable now and that I can give my mom anyting she wants and bring her out and just chat with her, we're like friends who went through think and thin together.

Conclusion is... Without either of them, I would not have made it this far. I am not a millionaire yet and neither am I so great yet, but where I am today, being just right, comfortable enough and my aims are clear, its all thanks to my parents. The biggest fear in me is... Losing them someday, I just pray that they will have many more years to live and I promise them that I will still continue making them proud... My only sadness is that I wish they could know how sad I am when it come to their lives as husband and wife...

Before I wrap things up, I want to say something about Marie.

Marie, she was just some girl I met a couple of years back at Madam Wong Club, we were barely just hi and bye kind of friends, but somehow, fate if you believe it brought her into my life like a whirlwind... When she quit her job, I offered her one at Legends, I never liked to lie to people, so I just explained to her a guage of what she could be and become. I won't say what I said here in this blog as its private and this is VERY public, but I'm just happy that what I promised then I kept it. Marie is no longer a friend, you know why? Because she is now family, actually all of the Legends team have become family, even their family has become my family... But Marie is different thats why I want to just write it here to keep this memoir embedded in cyberspace... She is a gem and truly an important person in my life... (Don't get me wrong, no romance involved here...haha).. She has been a great influence in my life and she has taught me alot, afterall, she has been in this line of work longer than I ever was. Marie means the world to me, and she knows that I always got her back anytime. Its a weird kind of mutual and platonic bond we have, In a way I feel that I am very protective over her... She knows how protective I can get... Haha... Punch Punch, Kick, slam, smash!!!!
Nonetheless, I can think of no other girl that I am truly trustful off, but Marie is one person that I trust with anything. She knows when I am down and she is also always there for me to lend a listening ear and give me advice. She has done so much in the business and she played a major role in what the business is like today. The rest of the team also are so precious to me, I'll write about them another day.
I know you are reading this sis, just want to say thank you for being you and thank you for coming into my life and my family's life too, my dad always speaks very highly of you and says that you are his adopted daughter. Haha. Once again, thank you sis for being so special. Saying that Marie is fabulous would be an understatement. So when is our next night to party again? ;) haha...

Good night readers. Thank you for bothering to read...

On Formula One and Psychotic Ex-girlfriends...

This last past relationship I had with Pamela would probably be a wake up call for me... a REAL wake-up call... We broke up like 2 weeks ago and she is still fucking bugging me... She even got into a cat-fight with some girl whom I was dating 'non-exclusively'... This is the 2nd time this year that this kind of shit happened, 5 months ago, it was Charmaine and Chanel, Wednesday it was Pamela and Kelly... Honestly, I can only look at the whole scenario as more hillarious then shocking... I really dont get it, Pamela broke up with me, then she asked me back and then I said no, and then she suddenly turned into some psychopath who threatens me with shit like revenge... Hmmm... I would just think that she had life way to fucking easy with me. Its not love, I really don't think it is, I just think Pam was just to in-tuned to my lifestyle and she was enjoying every moment of it... Could you believe that she would sms one of my staff last night saying "I know Gavin is with a girl in the pub, I am waiting for him somewhere around!!!" Freaky? Hell yeah! I was so fucking wrong about her when we first got together... I know I am no angel but this kind of psychotic behaviour is out of the fucking question. I guess who ever reads this would find it rather blah blah...

Updates... Just spoke to FJ for some advice on my current state... I don't know why, but FJ always brightens up my day.

My brother gave me a pass for the F1 trials today, it was very much amazing being at the F1 track, the noise from the engines were excruciatingly LOUD, bought ear-plugs for like $12 buck a pair, those shop owners sure know how to capitalise on ANYTHING... I will update more tomorrow, I'm a little tipsy now...

Beautiful girl...

I'm fucking tired already, the ex-girlfriend who dumped me is threatening suicide and is becoming very obsessed with me... Not as if I look like Brad Pitt.. I wish... But for once in my life, I'm actually scared of a woman, I'm just tired of all this lovey dovey bullshit, I'm not cut out for it. I don't get it man, she dumps me, now she is regretting it because I have decided that yeah I want to be single and focus more on my career ... What do women want??? Really!

We already broke up like two weeks and she still text me stuff like I know you are with another girl at home and so on... Its fucking annoying. But I'm just keeping my cool. Dont want to escalate things to dramatic proportions.

I've been already so stressed out with work and the up-comming full running of our new Orchard Towers club, its going to be called Legends@Orchard, its going to be a whole new ball game but I know we can do it with our concept. Its been a hectic and rough week. Whats stressing me out more is the ex-gf.

I met a few new people lately, there is Geraldine, another pub owner's daughter, there is Vanessa the girl from Hong Kong and Crystal, the girl from Siglap. I'm not interested in pursuing anyone or anything at this moment in time, I know any relationship is going to end up in trash after a few weeks or at the most a month... Really too much work stuff to think about...

Walking on...

Again, here I am back to my bachelor ways, I don't know why I just can't be in any relationship. Probably just not the right person yet. Went through a pretty stressful break-up with Pam last Saturday, well, she broke up with me and then now she wants to get back and now I don't want to get back and blah blah blah...

I see no point in being in a relationship at this point in my life, now that my career is starting to build, I have much more important matters to attend to. There is no doubt that I really do love Pam but its just that I don't like anyone controlling me or even trying to change me. It was a rather stressful relationship we had, although there were fun times and for the fact that she loved Lani (my God-daughter) alot. I still worry for Pam and I would be a fucking liar if I said I don't love her or miss her, but I guess life just goes on and only gets better. She just does not know that it pains me to think back on the times we shared, I am human too. Our characters were just very mismatched. Its like two individuals with a different approach in life. I miss the time when she and I were in Bangkok, I just wanted her to enjoy herself and shop as much as she wants and just leave an impression in her. Healing my wounds has become so easy through the years of numerous break-ups, but it still does hurt still. I still wake up in the mornings thinking that she is right beside me only to realise that its all over. With everything happening so fast for me and my career, I have no more space left in my mind to juggle a relationship over work and rest. But I have to be thankful that we're still friends. The time will come someday for me to really settle down but till that day comes, I'll just be working my ass off and not looking for love.

This month started off quite slow for business but is picking up already. Nothing much eventful happened in Legends except for some shouting and firing... I've been drinking alot lately and most of the nights I'm there at the bar till closing. The moment I get home, I just crash out.
We're changing the key-boardist for another person with much more brain cells then the current.
I have met a few new girls lately from clubs and a little partying, Vanessa, Kelly, Sharon, Sally and some other few... Nothing yet, not expecting anything either. Well, I can finally find more focus in my work and have some solitary time to myself. Anyway we'll be re-branding our other outlet at Orchard Towers, changing the name to Legends@Orchard. I see the Legends brand name growing, slowly but surely, it sure is tough work, I have lost 8kilos in 2 weeks! I'm still down with a bad-ass flu and I have been really moody too.

FJ has always been a sweetheart, she is always there for me when I am in deep shit or when I am sad, she and I really was a waste... I love the funny sms's she sends me to brighten up my days/nights. I hope she is really happy now.

Susan also came down to the bar to find me yesterday and to have drinks, it was nice seeing her after so long, she was an interesting ex-girlfriend. Its always weird when ever I have a break-up, all the other girls in my past seems to pop back or just appear.

I just got back from Thailand about 3 weeks ago and I already feel like taking another vacation, but I doubt it would be anytime soon, too many things to handle and I think I have wasted enough money this year already.

I'll keep you guys updated on the building of a new Legends outlet. Good night everyone.